we live in a world where everything is possible. from a small age, with every decision, we get to choose from a myriad of possibilities, be it about hobbies or careers, about places to live or communities, or even about religions. in theory, almost everything you could possibly imagine is possible.
so, we go about our lives, weaving our way through all of the many options that present themselves. which school should I go to? what degree should I get? which career do I want to pursue? should I go travelling? I COULD go to new zealand! or to iceland! or to nepal or... should I go out for dinner tonight or should I go night skiing or should I stay at home and do a workout or should I stay at home but read a book?
there are so many things going on, and they are all appealing and tempting and it is really difficult to know what to choose. it doesn't help that none of it is very hard to achieve, for most things only depend on whether one is able to pay, there is rarely very much involvement or commitment needed. in some ways, we have become victims of society's success, and long for a simpler life, where the decision between taking up windsurfing or flower arrangement, and whether either can be turned into a career, or whether it is more advisable to keep a side job, never presents itself.
there is an acronym summing up this struggle beautifully: FOMO. it stands for "fear of missing out". it is one of the greater psychological challenges of this time and age, exactly because we have so many amazing possibilities. the different possibilities usually all of them seem to have huge potential, so much so, that it becomes almost impossible to let go of any of them, for fear of missing out on something.
but the thing is, our time and energy is limited. it simply isn't possible to do everything. we may be able to have ANYTHING, but we can't have EVERYTHING.
we have to choose. we have to let go of some things, in order to commit to other things. and it's exactly this commitment that so many seem to struggle with. commitment means involvement of the heart. it means working towards something, investing time and energy, and effort. there's nothing superficial about commitment. you have to go all in. but putting yourself out there is scary, because by doing so, you admit that the thing really means something to you. and it doesn't even matter who is watching, the person we're hiding from most is ourselves. it seems so much easier never to admit to anything, for then there are no uncomfortable consequences.
but if we never admit and commit, the real consequence is that there is no chance of ever getting what we, deep down, in our heart of hearts, dream of.
and everyone has dreams, something that makes our eyes sparkle and sets our heart on fire. but we've become incredibly good at quenching them. instead of letting ourselves be swept away by them and giving everything to transform them into reality, we spread our luck thin, so if one thing goes wrong, at least we get something from somewhere else.
but this means that nothing actually truly means anything. all of those many things you have said a-little-yes to, none of them really mean anything, for you haven't truly given your heart to any of them. your heart remains protected, as desired, but also guarded, and deadened, for it has long ago given up the hope of ever being allowed to feel, to dedicate itself to something, to burn.
to cure your heart, you need to allow for it to be broken. you need to learn to grieve, and heal, and to trust these skills, so heartbreak loses its threat. and then you need to admit and commit. you need to take those scary steps that show the world, and yourself, that something is important and means a great deal to you. for only by acting can you prove to your heart that you have heard its song and want to stoke the fire. you have to say yes to your dreams wholeheartedly, and no to everything that touches you half-heartedly. in effect, you have to go out into this world of myriad possibilities and say no over and over and over, so the few yesses you do say have weight and meaning.
you have to do this because, unfortunately, saying yes to one thing automatically creates no's to others. it's one of the more uncomfortable truths of life, denied or ignored by many, but it can't be changed. it's a direct effect of the limitation of energy, of course, and this is where it shows itself clearly. if you say yes to having dinner with a bunch of fun, but random, people, you're saying no to an evening of looking after yourself at home. it's impossible to do both. this is the conundrum of being able to do ANYTHING, but not EVERYTHING.
there's no point trying to struggle against it and pretend that you, you are the one person who can have EVERYTHING. because you can't. you can't change what can't be changed. you may be able to have ANYTHING, but you can't have EVERYTHING.
so, learn to say no. it is the only way you stand a chance of receiving those other things that truly mean something to you.
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