have you ever seen a place no human being has ever had a lasting impact on? somewhere the rivers run their course and the trees grow where it's right and the shrubs shape the landscape and the insects and the beavers and the eagles and the bears make their home? or somewhere so barren and rugged humans will never manage to be more than temporary visitors? somewhere truly wild?
I love being in the wild. it touches a place deep inside my soul, speaks to my most hidden desires, the very roots of who I am. it's in that melting pot, where challenge, fear, danger and skill are forged into pure potential, that I come to life. the places where you struggle to fathom how, but, despite the adversity, life finds a way to survive. but also the places with life so abundant and raw and real chaos becomes beauty. on a high mountain peak. skiing between sheer rock faces. riding down a steep slope of rubble on a mountainbike. or walking in a primeval forest where people have never set foot outside of a few ancient trails.
venturing into such places takes preparation. if you go on a whim, you could easily end up in very dangerous situations, even if it doesn't look dangerous at all. when exploring the wild on skis, for example, avalanche risk assessment is a large safety component. when I first got into freeride skiing, I knew very little about it. I had read a couple of books, but apart from a few days following my dad when I was just a kid, I lacked the skill, the craft, to know how to evaluate, decide, proceed. many years later, I have learnt about inclination, exposition, sun, wind, snow, temperature, elevation and human factors involved, spent many days following and learning from experienced experts, discussed and scrutinised and analysed.
but the most important lesson I've learnt is that despite all of this, it is impossible to know. in fact, feeling you know is often dangerous. the wild is not controllable, plannable or predictable. if you feel you know, you lose connection to your sensitivity, you stop paying attention to your perceptions, you miss the little snippets of information so subtle only intuition can pick up on them. you have to be present, here and now, irrespective of previously formed beliefs that make you think you know what is going on. and so, in a weird way, preparing for the wild is more about preparing for being unprepared. you have to learn to become comfortable with not knowing. with having to reevaluate all of your preparation at every moment, because you can never know what you are going to get. the only constant, in the wild, is the constant need for flexible adaptation to ever-changing circumstances.
the more I expose myself to these situations, the more in awe I am of the ability of our bodies, our instincts, to handle anything the wild may throw at us. the human nature is exceedingly skilled at saving itself, at surviving. but we need to let it. if the mind is trying to control, organise, solve, judge, achieve, or show off, our nature can't do its thing. our primeval instincts need peace, especially of mind, to go about their business.
what reveals itself is what is called intuition. it's what comes when the chatter dies down. it may be quiet like snow falling, or booming loud like thunder echoing between cliff faces, but its message is always purest wisdom.
and so, reconnecting with nature has opened my eyes to the most fundamental truth of life: everything comes and goes, flows and ebbs, blooms and withers. no day is the same, and nothing lasts forever. it's this perpetual change that creates the delicate interplay between all parts of the animate world, that creates true beauty. it cannot be found through sorting, clearing, organising, planning, securing, controlling. such activities of the rational mind may offer some comfort and safety, but they leave you ill-equipped for the only real constant in life: change.
it is for this exact reason that exposing yourself to the wild, untamed, uncivilised parts of the world takes a whole different set of skills than most uf us are educated in. in the wild, you can't survive by mechanically applying a set of rules memorized in the past or doing what you are used to doing. you have to be present with what is happening right now, think outside of boxes, come up with creative solutions.
you also have to take responsibility for yourself and your decisions. you have to sense your boundaries, the moment your intuition tips into no longer feeling happy with the situation. to sense that your integrity is in true danger and a way out is needed ASAP, is a visceral, core-shaking sensation. but once you've felt it, you will recognise it always. and you will respect it, and make sure it's respected by the people around you, for in the wild, the stakes are high. there is no company or corporation behind you that takes responsibility for your shitty decisions, or safety nets in the form of insurances and social security. unlike in business, if you ski beyond your level because you're afraid of losing face by admitting that this hill is steeper than you feel OK with, you could easily cause yourself a lot more than financial harm.
if you've been unmasked by the wild in this way, this awareness will seep into every aspect of your life. you will never be able to go back to half-heartedness. for exposing yourself to the wild takes you back, back to your true nature. it takes you inside yourself, under the layers of protective armour you've accumulated over the years, to the raw, authentic, true you, whether you like what you find there or not. it takes you back into your wild.
no matter where you are or what you're doing, wild will become your way of life. you will live from your core. you will stand for the truth. you will no longer follow the herd or say yes just to keep the peace. you will taste, smell, sense, feel, see in high definition. you will love, cry, sing, dance and be bowled over by grief. you will fall more times than you can count. you will soar to the skies of joy all the while unable to turn your gaze from the chasm of despair. but you will hold the tension of it all without buckling.
for deep inside your heart you will know that you are irrevocably part of this universe, this world, this web, this relentless, unapologetic abundance of life. you will know that, in spite of it all, you are just one thing.
wild.
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