do you know the saying "nothing great ever came from comfort zones"? it's one of the favourites of the self-development industry, and I, too, gain a lot of motivation from it. the theory behind it runs as follows: when we are attempting to do something that is familiar and that we have succeeded at before, it does not seem challenging. it lies within our comfort zone. anything new and challenging, on the other hand, contains an element of uncertainty, of not knowing, of possible failure, it makes us feel uncomfortable, and therefore lies outside our comfort zone. the thing is, if we only ever do things we feel comfortable with, we never learn anything new, never challenge ourselves, never push our boundaries. so, if we want to make progress, we need to leave our comfort zone.
this may look completely different for everyone. if you are a person who enjoys, say, crafts and knitting, going on a small mountain hike might be leaving your comfort zone. if, however, you spend every second in the mountains, skiing, climbing and paragliding, that same small mountain hike is no different emotionally from chilling on the sofa. in that case, leaving your comfort zone may mean learning to cook a new menu from a foreign country.
there are many, many people who never do anything like this. they arrange themselves into some sort of everyday life, make themselves comfortable, and, as long as nothing unforeseen happens, their life proceeds in the same patterns day in day out.
but the thing about life is that the only thing you can be sure of is that you cannot be sure of anything. we don't get to choose what happens to us, and every so often life will kick us right outside of where we feel comfortable. out there, life is wild. it calls for skills like creativity, like flexibility, like resilience. and those are not skills that can be learnt by sitting it out in sheltered places. if life is to be truly lived, we need to not wait for it to shake us up, but to deliberately seek the challenge.
imagine a baby wolf. it is living in the protection of its mother, being fed and sheltered. when she is around, it feels safe and comfortable. when she is gone, it hides and awaits her return. during the times it feels safe, it goes out and explores the world, or, in other words, it plays. it is curious, it tries things out, fails sometimes, but it doesn't matter because it's just playing, and so it gains experience. as the baby wolf grows older, it eventually has to take responsibility for its survival, for feeding, sheltering and protecting itself. this is, however, only possible successfully if the wolf has learnt more than just mechanistic if-then skills, it needs to have learnt to creatively solve any problem it may encounter. for a wolf does not live in a comfortable world, it lives in a wild world.
and so do we.
humans are the only species who have ever been able to create something that in any way resembles comfort, safety, and security. we call it civilisation, and, for a while, life in its protective embrace feels really good. until life comes crumbling down and you realise it is futile and all of those things were an illusion. and that day will come, sooner or later.
we must prepare for such crises. for they will present us with great challenges that can only be overcome with strongly developed survival skills. when survival mode has kicked in, it is too late, however. nothing can be learnt and practised in the panic zone, skills need to proceed automatically if they are to be applied in an acute crisis.
this means that we must have learnt them before. and the only possible time to go out and practise just happens to be exactly when we feel all safe and secure. we must actively leave that comfort, for it is the only time we are actually physically able to do any exploring and thus learn new skills.
it can be truly scary. deliberately going where we don't know what awaits us, or attempting something we don't know the solution to, can be overwhelmingly daunting. if we want to grow, become flexible and strong, resilient and self-efficient, there's no way around it, however, we need to face the world, even if it's uncomfortable. and if we get lucky, it might just turn out to be interesting, surprising, rewarding and fun, too. which is when we get back and tell all of our friends of our adventures.
it also means that when we have a safe and secure life, we cannot afford to artificially create situations requiring full-blown survival mode, i. e. stress. for then, despite everything being totally physically undangerous, we again lose the capacity to explore and learn, leaving us unprepared for the real crises.
and, finally, it means we need to have a comfort zone we can leave in the first place. like the baby wolf, we need a safe haven we can retreat to, to rest, to lick our wounds, and to gain fresh strength and courage. if we don't have such a place, if everywhere is a snake pit, and we cannot ever let down our guard, it is impossible to develop curiosity and that exploratory spirit needed for learning the skills later crucial to survival. then, we develop tunnel view and rigid reactions, are only able to employ a small set of behaviours that once served us in the past, but may not be helpful in the present at all.
we need a place we feel truly safe. where there is only unconditional love, compassion and understanding. no disrespect, shaming or sabotage. and, unlike in childhood, it is our very own responsibility to create that place. inside ourselves. whatever may happen, we need to know that we will always be there to pick ourselves up and have our own backs. you cannot explore without this kind of place. and you cannot develop without exploring.
and so, I am going to play the devil's advocate, and change that old saying to "everything great ultimately comes from comfort zones. firstly, from having them, and secondly, from leaving them."
we need to rest and fall asleep feeling safe. we need to dream big. we need to step forth and allow ourselves to feel the tension. and we need to use it as rocket fuel.
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